Jun 20, 2023 | My Blog
Lately, I’ve been hearing from many of you: “I feel so Angry!”
I get it, we all face our own set of challenges, but it’s crazy how many of us are riding the anger train these days.
This got me thinking and diving deep into the anger abyss. What the heck is anger anyway? And why does it have such a hold on us?
Now, I can’t cover every angle in this blog, but I’ve got some thoughts to share:
Anger is a real beast. It’s a complicated and intense emotion characterised by feelings of displeasure, irritation, frustration, or even rage.
Here are some common triggers:
1. Frustration:
You know those moments when your dreams and desires get blocked or crushed? That frustration can simmer and eventually boil over into anger. Whether it’s unexpected roadblocks, annoying delays, or feeling like life’s treating you unfairly, frustration can ignite the fire within.
2. Threat or injustice:
Feeling threatened or feeling treated unfairly can unleash the fury. When you or someone you care about gets hurt or mistreated, anger becomes a righteous shield, protecting you from further harm and screaming, “Hey, that’s not right!”
3. Hurt or betrayal:
When someone you trust stabs you in the back or lets you down, anger comes knocking. It’s like a guard dog, protecting your heart and saying, “No more of that nonsense!”
4. Powerlessness:
Ever feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending loop of powerlessness? That’s enough to make anyone see red. When you feel like your choices are limited or there’s an unfair power dynamic, anger can become your battle cry.
5. Disappointment:
Ah, the sting of unmet expectations. When life fails to deliver what you hoped for, anger can bubble up in response to that crushing disappointment. Relationships, work situations, you name it – unmet expectations can be a real anger trigger.
6. Stress and pressure:
Who needs a pressure cooker when we’ve got stress and pressure cooking us from the inside? High levels of stress can turn up the heat, making us more susceptible to angry outbursts. It’s like our fuse gets shorter and shorter.
7. Emotional or physical pain:
Sometimes, anger serves as a protective shield against pain. When you’re hurting, either physically or emotionally, anger steps in to say, “Enough is enough!” It motivates us to take action or find relief from what’s causing us distress.
Anger is a normal human emotion, but we’ve got to work on it. Unleashing uncontrolled or chronic anger can wreak havoc on our well-being, relationships, and overall happiness. We need to find healthy ways to express and manage it. Life is too short for constant rage.
So what now?
Sometimes, what we think is anger is actually something else entirely. The trick is to find out what it’s all about.
Ask yourself:
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Do you understand what is making you feel angry?
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Is it really Anger or is it something else?
When the pressure’s on, I’ve discovered that by understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface, I can tackle the real issue head-on. I’ve learnt (and am still learning) that when my softer habits are under pressure, I need to use my stronger habits to take small steps forward.
Sounds simple, right? Well, here’s the thing…it’s a process. A messy, beautiful, uncomfortable and oh-so-worth-it process.
Sometimes, taking that first step means reaching out for help. And guess what? You’re not alone on this wild journey.
We’ve got the power to conquer anger and bring more joy and peace into our lives.
Ask yourself, what is the smallest possible step I can take to make the situation better, and then DO IT!
If anger’s got you in a headlock or if you just need some guidance, don’t hesitate to book a free Discovery session: https://calendly.com/marildawiegand/discovery-session
Jun 2, 2023 | My Blog
The last few weeks I’ve had a love/hate relationship with our electric gate. Several times it’s gotten stuck on me, and I’ve had to either manually open it or, on more than one occasion, had to bundu bash all around the fence to get access to my own home.
Nothing frustrates me more than something that ONLY has ONE thing to do (Open the gate) and then it DOESN’T. It breaks my brain.
Of course, Marius has been away and of course these types of things always happens when he, and his conceptually fit, problem-solving Ninja skills, aren’t here.
When he got back, I asked him to please help and this morning he showed me how the remote is now working very well.
What did he do? He changed the batteries, of course.
I had to laugh at myself.
Here I’ve been resetting the energiser, rebooting the gate motor, making my poor father-in-law open the gate by hand and I didn’t even think to check the batteries in the remote control!
This reminded me that we so often get stuck with solving the problems quickly that we don’t take the time to think deeper about the better solutions.
It’s a theme I’ve been picking up with some of my clients the last few weeks as well. We seem to be in crisis mode… solve the problem quickly deal with the rest later.
The trouble with that is that our solutions then become convoluted and complicated. It solves the problem in the short term but it’s not always a sustainable solution.
And then, when we look for the complicated solutions we forget about the basics.
This is what I learnt:
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Take a step back:
Pause and reflect instead of rushing to solve problems quickly. Think deeper and consider better solutions rather than settling for temporary fixes that might bite you at a later stage.
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Simple solutions:
Sometimes the most basic solutions can resolve complex issues. Checking the batteries in the remote control was the simple fix that solved the problem. Revisit the basics and ensuring all essential elements are in order before pursuing complex solutions.
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Avoiding complicated solutions:
Solving problems in crisis mode can lead to complicated and unsustainable solutions. By taking the time to think critically and explore deeper options, you can find more effective and long-lasting resolutions.
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Get help:
If you can’t solve the problem on your own, don’t get stuck on it, ask for help
Whatever problem or challenge you are having right now… have you checked the batteries?
Not sure which batteries you need to check, I’m here to help. Book your free Discovery session here https://calendly.com/marildawiegand/discovery-session
May 19, 2023 | My Blog
Picture this: you’ve got check-ins, check outs, quotes and breakfast to sort out. You’re juggling a million things, and sometimes it feels like your head is about to explode.
We’ve all been there, right?
As a Tourism Professional, you’re a hero taking care of others, but are you using those superpowers for yourself? It’s time to check in and see if your mental fitness is on point.
Mental health is a big deal these days. It refers to your overall psychological well-being. It includes your emotional, social, and cognitive health.
Mental Fitness on the other hand, refers to your ability to cope with stress and challenges. It’s all about building resilience, handling stress like a pro, and keeping your well-being in check, both on and off the job.
Now I want you to stop for a minute, take a good, hard look and ask yourself if, right now, any of these are happening to you?
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Feeling overwhelmed or stressed?
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Trouble sleeping?
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Appetite going haywire?
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Feeling irritable or angry?
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Trouble concentrating?
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Feeling anxious or down?
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Decision-making becoming a mission impossible?
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Social activities taking a backseat?
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Risky or unhealthy behaviours creeping in?
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Scary thoughts of self-harm or suicide?
If any of these ring a bell, don’t wait another minute – reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional.
Let’s get into building that mental fitness of yours. It’s like hitting the gym, but for your mind. Here are some tips to boost your mental well-being:
Me- time is non-negotiable.
Make self-care a priority. You deserve to pamper yourself. Sweat it out with exercise, indulge in hobbies, or simply chill in nature. Whatever floats your boat and makes you feel alive. You do you!
Stress.
Find what helps you unwind—deep breaths, journaling, talking it out. Anything goes, as long as it leaves you feeling lighter and easier to breathe.
Be your own cheerleader.
Ditch the negative self-talk and celebrate your awesomeness. Celebrate your wins, strengths, achievements, and all the things that make you unique. You’re a superstar.
Surround yourself with uplifting people who radiate good energy. Friends, family, and colleagues who’ve got your back.
Learn the art of saying no and create a work-life balance that works for you. Set clear boundaries to protect your well-being. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Level up your skills!
Engage in activities that ignite your brain and make you grow. Dive into fascinating books, learn new skills, chase your passions, and set goals that light a fire within you. Your personal growth is a epic adventure.
Bounce back like a champ!
Life throws curveballs, but you’re a pro at finding solutions. Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. Develop those resilience muscles and keep that positive spirit alive.
Fit body, fit mind!
Take care of your physical health too. Good food, enough sleep, and getting your body moving are building blocks for your overall well-being.
Embrace your Zen!
Practice mindfulness. Be present in the moment, notice your thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgment. Dive into activities that bring you back into the now.
Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
If you’re stuck, reach out to a pro who can be your mental fitness coach. You’re never alone on this journey!
Building mental fitness is all about finding what works for you and embracing the journey. Be patient, kind to yourself, and take small steps forward. If you struggle, the bite you have taken might be too big, take a smaller bite.
Working towards every day being 1% better than yesterday is the way forward. You’ve got this!
Make a positive change. Book your free Discovery session with me today.
Apr 27, 2023 | My Blog
Working in hospitality makes setting boundaries seem impossible.
The first thing they tell you is to set clear working hours. HA! Guests go out at 05:00 on morning drives, check in at 23:00 at night and have questions about their safaris at all hours, not only because of the time difference but also because many people plan their holidays outside of THEIR working hours.
So how the heck do you do that?
1. Balance work times realistically:
Plan short, medium and long term as far as possible:
- Short term: If you know you are going to have to check guests in late tonight, take a short rest or break earlier. Have a nap after tea or plan to sleep in a bit the next morning. Make sure that you get to balance the “overtime” with some downtime. Go on a game drive, have coffee with friends.
- Medium term: If you have to work after-hours on a quote or a deadline, plan to take some off time when you are less likely to be disturbed but as soon as possible. Then make sure that you limit distractions and if you can, go offline for a day or so. It makes a massive difference.
- Long term: Plan your breaks ahead. Even if it’s just a short trip somewhere, the intention is to completely break from your work environment and give yourself some time to recalibrate.
2. Establish a consistent sleep schedule:
Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even if your work schedule is inconsistent. This can help you maintain good sleep habits and avoid burnout. Also don’t discount the benefits of a quick nap
3. Create a self-care routine:
Schedule time for exercise, meditation, hobbies, or other activities that help you relax and recharge. Some of my favourite memories are of playing cricket with other staff in the afternoon after guests went out on game drive. It’s only now I’m realising what that did for my own fitness, mental health and our team as a whole.
4. Prioritise time with family and friends:
Scheduling regular time with your loved ones is tricky, because you can’t necessarily adjust your work schedule. My folks and I talked about it soon after I started at the Lodges, and they got quite used to my hasty goodbyes once they understood that guests interrupted at any time. Plan regular catch ups (even if it’s virtual) with them where everyone understands that things might change at any moment, with the condition that you will reschedule as soon as possible. Spending time with the people you care about can help you maintain perspective and stay grounded.
5. Learn to delegate:
According to research from the Shadowmatch Team, the number 1 softest habit is Propensity to Hand off! Be willing to delegate tasks or responsibilities to others on your team, especially during busy periods. This is something you need to plan for as sometimes people don’t have the skills and then things swing back at you. In the end we need to build and empower people around us and if this can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed and prevent burnout, double win!
6. Establish limits on work-related communication:
- Consider setting boundaries around when and how often you check your work email or take work-related phone calls. For example, you may decide not to check your work email after a certain time in the evening or on weekends.
- The same when you’re off. Your staff and co-workers need to understand when and, for what they can contact you. I often see managers who are super frustrated with staff calling them during their off times for some trivial thing that might have waited until they get back to work or be easily resolved by the relief person but because the boundaries aren’t clear that person is nervous/scared or uncertain, and they break into the Manager’s off time. The trouble is that this does not allow your head to switch off and you therefore don’t get the break you need to completely relax and recharge.
- Put some principles in place that counts for everyone.
- At what level will the lodge call you for advice when you are on leave?
- Is there a phone tree of next responsible person before they get to you?
7. Take Breaks during shifts
Make sure to take breaks during your workday, even if they are short. This can help you recharge and stay focused. My favourite time was always after Game Drives went out and the staff went for a short rest before dinner. There is a silence that settles, when nobody is around that totally helped ground me.
8. Communicate your boundaries to others and respect each other’s boundaries:
If you need to, have an open discussion with your co-workers, managers, and clients about what your work-life boundaries are, so they can respect them and support you in maintaining them.
9. Learn to say no:
It’s not easy to do when there are only so many people to get the job done but be selective about the tasks and projects you take on, and be willing to turn down opportunities that don’t align with your priorities or capacity.
The funny part is that setting and maintaining your boundaries doesn’t have to be an epic battle, sometimes it’s as simple as going off the WhatsApp group.
What is the smallest possible step you can take to get you to a better work-life balance?
Feeling overwhelmed? Let’s talk it out – I’m here to listen and support you https://calendly.com/marildawiegand/discovery-session
Apr 25, 2023 | My Blog
When COVID hit, my Mom said:
“Now, you are going to really see the people around you”
At first, I didn’t get it. But during those crazy months that followed, her words rang true.
Some folks who should have stepped up, went quiet. Others we thought were rock-solid fell apart. Some people got angry or gave up altogether.
It was confusing, frustrating, and sad.
But then there were others who quietly stepped in to help. They innovated, solved problems, and supported those in need.
Suddenly, people who weren’t usually in the spotlight became our guides and heroes.
We started leaning on people we might not normally have, for support. Contacts and colleagues turned into friends and became part of support structures.
We figured out who we could really count on, both personally and professionally. And sometimes, those were different people for different situations.
Now, three years later, it feels like we’re in the middle of another shift.
The world wants to go back to how things were, but for many of us, that’s just not possible anymore.
At a recent dinner, we were talking about how much everything has changed. When I said that COVID felt like a hard reset, someone disagreed and said, “I think it’ll take more than a pandemic to change things.”
I was stunned. But later, as I lay in bed, I realized that we all experience the world in different ways.
Where some of us experienced lock down as a forced holiday with barely any loss of income, others experienced our entire world being shattered and tilted on its axis.
Personally, I had some major paradigm shifts that turned my worldview upside down.
But I was lucky to have superheroes in my life who helped me through it. We were able to support each other, even though we were all going through different things.
I’m so grateful for the tools and lessons I’ve learned, and for the chance to grow both personally and professionally.
Things still get wobbly sometimes, but I feel stronger than ever. And most importantly, I have a tribe of people I can count on.
Ubuntu says:“ I am because you are”
For me, this means that I’m not alone.
… and neither are you.
Reach out: https://calendly.com/marildawiegand/discovery-session
Mar 24, 2023 | My Blog
My Career Coaching clients are not only young people trying to figure out what they should be doing with the rest of their lives.
In fact, almost all my clients are older than 30 and, for various reasons, at crossroads.
In this blog, we unpack an issue that has been on my mind for a long time. Whether you are in a current job and applying for a new one and/or unemployed and need to reset, at some stage you are going to be looking for available jobs and possibly having an interview.
If you’ve ever searched the employment pages, you’ll know it is a daunting task which nobody really prepares you for.
Let’s break the thought process down a little.
As someone who have done many interviews over the years with people so desperate that they will take any kind of job available, I want to ask you to be truthful with yourself and the new company from the beginning.
Ask yourself why are you applying for this particular job?
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Do you have the knowledge and skills to do the job. If you do, great. If you don’t, what skills do you need to learn if this is your dream job?
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Do you really want this job or is it just something that is comfortable and a pay-check. You should be challenged, excited and having fun while still having challenges that allows you to grow.
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Will the job give you what you need to be fulfilled?
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Will the company value your values?
A big piece of applying for new jobs is the interview process and this is where the water really gets muddy.
I hear clients telling me how they prepare for their interviews. It’s fantastic that you take the time to do all this preparation. A lot of people don’t and it could very well be the reason why you get the job.
Preparing is a good thing, it helps calm anxiety, it helps you focus, and you look professional when you know something about the company and what they stand for.
But often what happens is that you want the job so desperately that you force yourself into that space, like putting on a pair of ill-fitting shoes.
Telling the interviewer what you think they want to hear is fruitless as:
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You’re guessing what they really want and
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You’re not being your true self.
The reality is that you don’t know what/who they want and the honesty, vulnerability and the real you that you are hiding under intended professionalism might be the very thing that they are looking for. If you don’t show that, you might both lose out on what could be a beautiful partnership.
Putting your real self out there is scary and uncomfortable. We worry about what people might think of us and that we are “not good enough”. So we don’t do it, we show our harsh, business side and not our soft underbellies.
Years ago, Marius and I worked at a Game Lodge that was just plain horrible. We each thought that the other wanted to be there and instead of being honest with ourselves and each other we were trying to make it work while we were both intensely unhappy.
Then we got an interview at another lodge. Halfway through, the Owner of the new lodge who was interviewing us, sat back laughing and said “I feel like I’m being interviewed”. Unconsciously we had both learnt what we didn’t want and were peppering him to make sure we were clear on what we were getting into.
Without being arrogant, the questions to ask yourself is:
Do they deserve me and Do I fit here?
If you have the knowledge, you can do the job, do you fit into what the company stands for and how they do things?
So what to do?
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When you are interviewing for a job, part of your research needs to be to see if you might fit. Skills can be learnt but company culture is much harder to change. This means you will need to fit in with them and not the other way around.
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Don’t be hesitant to express what is important to you in both your professional and private life. Boundaries are critical to our mental health.
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Remember that if you get offered the job, it doesn’t mean you must take it. The interview is for both of the parties to see if there is synergy. If something bugs you, don’t do it.
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If you show your true self and you don’t get the job, understand that you didn’t fail to get the job. You simply didn’t fit the interviewers’ criteria. This is in fact something to be grateful for, as it means you don’t need to go through the heartache and pain of trying to fit into a place you shouldn’t have been in the first place.
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Remember to hold people accountable. If they, for instance, promise during the interview there will be training provided, ask more detail about it. So many clients end up in a devastating situation when they are struggling with the demands of the job for which they didn’t get the promised training.
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Don’t make assumptions. Ask the questions to make sure you know what you’re getting into. I took a job once thinking I was going to be a Front of House in Reception, just to get to the lodge, in the middle of nowhere, where I’m expected as the Front of House in the Restaurant. The only discussion during the interview was when I was asked if I could run a restaurant, to which I said I’d never done it by myself. That job nearly broke me.
Of course, we all have responsibilities, and you need a job to pay for those responsibilities. You also shouldn’t shy away from challenges that are uncomfortable because this is where you grow.
But go into this with your eyes open and a plan.
We spend more than half our waking hours at work. It makes less than no sense to waste that time in a job or at a place that you hate or don’t fit and yet we have all been there at some stage in our lives.
You deserve to be happy in your job. Fight for that happiness, it’s totally worth it!
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