It’s an eye opener to realise that today in 4 months it will be Christmas Day.

Totally bizarre to think that this year has disappeared… sped past while we didn’t really go anywhere.

How we lost everything and gained so much in a few months.

How many things changed and how many stayed the same.

How you first had time to do all those little things that have been left for “when I’ve got time” and how some of those things still remain undone.

How the friendships and relationships you’ve had before have changed, some slowly fading and others strengthening through reciprocity even in these difficult times.

How you feel like you’ve got nothing to do and yet the days slip past to where it’s Christmas in a few short months.

In a webinar yesterday someone said

“We shouldn’t waste a good pandemic”

It made me sad and laugh a little at the same time…. And this was the second time this week that I felt like that.

Earlier this week, I heard what I thought was thunder outside.  Although it is not common for us to get rain in August in the Lowveld it is not unheard of.  I walked outside to see what I was hearing and saw the grey flat cloud bank to the north.

The breeze brought the smell of the rain while I sat down on the stoep.  Looking up into the Marula Tree I saw 6 hornbills puffed up, enjoying the afternoon sun. Out of nowhere a bearded woodpecker flew up and started pecking on the tree stump that makes the support for the stoep’s roof. Completely oblivious of the world around her she is going about her business with a focussed dedication that is enviable.

While I’m sitting there absorbing the smell of the rain, the feel of the breeze, the sight of the hornbills chilling and the woodpecker beating against the wood, I become aware of a long – unheard noise intruding into the space.

Far overhead I hear the sound of an aeroplane approaching.

It takes me a moment to identify what I’m hearing. It has, after all, been many months since I’ve heard a jet flying over us.  Then I realise what it means. Aeroplanes mean people, people mean guests, guests mean income and income means survival. Elation bubbles up inside me… HOPE!!

And just as suddenly I realise that this artificial sound has completely distracted me from the peaceful space Nature had gifted me with just a few short moments before. I realise that guests mean busy and busy mean no time to sit and enjoy the peaceful space.

I feel happy and sad in the same moment.

This, one of the lessons I’ve learnt during this pandemic.

Look for the small beautiful moments, embrace them.

One cannot hide away from the bigger world out there but as we start emerging from our lockdown cocoons, understand the you need balance.

Never again will I let myself get so absorbed by what the world demands that I forget to give myself the space to truly acknowledge what I’m feeling, to see what I’m seeing and to smell the rain when I can.

It’s been a precious time and to a certain extent I’m not ready for it to be over yet.

This in itself is something I need to unpack for myself a bit more, and I will.

 But right now, I’m going to have coffee on the stoep and watch the birds for a bit.

Here in the Lowveld in South Africa, October is known as the “dustbowl” of the year. 1 September is officially our Spring day, but we normally have very little rain then.  In October the temperatures are climbing into the high 30’ Degrees Celsius and often into the low 40’s.  

It’s hot, dry, dusty, not comfortable and not pretty either.  Almost all the trees have lost their leaves, the grasses (if there are any) are dried out with animals losing condition quickly.  It’s a sad thing to see the impala ewes with their skinny yet pregnant bodies trying to survive until the rain comes in November and they normally drop their babies.

And then, out of the blue came the rain.  We’ve had 112mm since the beginning of October. And within a week the Bush has completely turned around. There are green shoots everywhere. Grass, plants and trees are making full use of this unexpected gift. Insects are out and about, and the birds are going crazy.

Marius and I took a little drive around the reserve. It’s always interesting to drive around with him.  As a professional safari Guide he has a ton of information in his head, but he also truly loves spending time in the bush.  A lot of that is quiet time without talking. Just observing, watching and being aware of what is going on around you. It’s a lot like meditation but with fun subjects!

While we are driving around, he is constantly stopping, getting out of the vehicle and taking pictures of things I don’t even notice.  He has a completely different way of looking at things and his situational awareness is something that always amazes me.

At one of these stops he got out to take a picture of a flower of a marula tree.  I was surprised by this as in all honestly, I’ve never really thought about what a Marula flower looks like.  The trees are normally big, and you don’t notice the tiny little flowers at the very tips of the tree tops.

This made me feel a little guilty. In Phalaborwa, where we live, Marulas are a really big deal.  Most of Limpopo Province and further up towards Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Mozambique all have Marula trees but here in the Valley of the Olifants the Marula tree has enormous cultural and economic value.

In February when the fruit start falling from the trees, the older ladies in the community start walking around collecting the fruit in big bags carted around with shopping trolleys

These bags are then collected at a designated spot and either sold to a local factory that make a world-famous liqueur or taken to their homes. 

At Home the fruit is sorted.  The good quality fruit are turned into anything from Juice to beer or Jam and Atchar. The not so great ones are left to rot and dry out after which the nuts are taken out to either be used in cooking or turned into a Nut butter or sold to another factory that makes essential oils from the Marula Nuts.

The Marula tree is a cultural symbol of fertility and good fortune to the local Ba-Pedi and Tsonga tribes and in the old days couples would get married under it to help bless their marriage.  Even to this day the Marula trees are protected by the Tribal Authorities and it is illegal to cut them down or damage them.

Every year, Phalaborwa has the annual Marula Festival. When thousands of people flock to town to taste the traditional beer and take part in the festivities. 

And it all starts with a little flower.

That tiny little flower that for thousands of years have been quietly growing, season after season has sparked an entire culture.

Sitting there quietly in the Vehicle looking up at this tree, for the first time I saw the entire picture.  The Bees and insects buzzing around these tiny little flowers, pollinating and making sure that the flower turn into a fruit that supports so many people.

During the last few months I’ve felt frustrated, heartbroken and helpless. I’ve wanted to help but didn’t know how when things are so completely out of your hands.  I settled on helping stranded Tourists where we could and sharing verified information to those in our local Industries.  I still felt like it wasn’t enough. I was seeing others doing so much more and I wished I could help more, while also trying to cope with the devastating impact of the Pandemic on our own lives. Both Marius and I had lost all our bookings and contracts until next year, with no chance of anything changing before then.

And then we started getting help from unexpected places.  Friends, family, previous guests all helping a little here and there. Marius had the time to get his own website up and running and managed to sell a few of his pictures and somehow, we are surviving.

Last week I heard a quote by Ronald Reagan: “You can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone”

Sitting there looking at that tiny flower I realised that even something as seemingly insignificant as a bee is helping someone.  That small bee, going about his normal business without doing anything extraordinary, makes all the difference to that flower.  And that flower turns into a fruit, which by itself doesn’t mean much but as a collective have supplied generations of people and animals with sustenance and entertainment and income.

No matter what you do, know that you are a piece in a bigger picture and that we, as a collective, have the power to change the world, by just helping someone else.

In this personal journey of discovery, I’ve had these last few months and with this new awareness, it has given me the clarity that I don’t need to take over the world.

I just need to help someone.

I just need to start with a little flower.  

Marilda Wiegand

How is it possible to feel alone in a group of people? How can you feel alone when you are constantly engaging with people? How can you feel alone when the world is united in a way that it has never been before? How is it that nobody is hearing your silent cries?

Over the last few months there have been many questions. Many more questions than there have been answers. Questions that nudge at you but you don’t really take the time to explore.

The time during lockdown and after has given me the space to explore some of these questions that I haven’t had the guts to do before.

Now, in the aftermath of the panic, the enduring anxiety of how to handle the devastating blows that we have been dealt again and again; with hope shattered, dangled and shattered again, I’m asking myself new questions.

Although I didn’t exactly know what the right questions were, those that I did ask led me on a journey.

Firstly, I have realised how important I am. Sounds selfish and egotistical but for the first time in my life I’ve taken (ok been forced!) to dig deeper into myself. To unpack my own reasons and values. To understand the difference between self-knowledge and self-awareness and what all of these mean for me. To really “get” myself and understand what I need.

In the beginning it was a muddle of personal and professional and I spent a lot of time trying to separate the two.  I’ve now come to realise that I can’t. My personal values, awareness and the very essence of who I am MUST be the foundation of my professional life if I want to live a life that is authentically me.

Al these have led me to ask more questions of myself, my relationships and, because it seemed the natural next step, my business.

When lockdown started my Mom stated:” Now you will see the truth about the people around you”

This turned into a truth in unexpected ways.

Acquaintances became trusted friends and helped create the safe space so desperately needed while trusted friends disappeared into their own drama.

While some have been lost to me forever through death, some have also moved further away emotionally.

People I haven’t even met in real life have taught me that I could depend on them in any crisis. 

I’ve been surprized, devastated, encouraged, heartbroken, energized, sad and truly comforted. 

I’ve learnt so much about what is important to me and why. 

I’ve learnt who I can trust and who is just there in the shadows, lurking.

For each one of us to move forward we need to learn about ourselves first and then about the people that surround us. 

3 times this week I’ve seen this quote:” If you want to go fast, go alone

If you want to go far, go together” – African Proverb

In different parts of your journey you will have different people, filling different spaces in your life.  Each one has the potential to be a part of your journey, if you take the time to listen.  Some might have powerful, life altering things to say or do, and some might just be able to give you the silence you need to hear your inner message clearly.

I’ve now had some time to work through the understanding that each relationship that I have must be reciprocal. Some of them will be deeper and some will be superficial, but either way there needs to be a balance. You need to give, and you need to take equally in each relationship and therefore you will need to be clear in your own mind as to who you want in your tribe and for why.

The one lesson that stands above all else is that you cannot travel this journey alone.

Reach out to everyone you can as each one will bring a building block. Friends, family colleagues each fill a different space. 

They each know a slightly different version of you. It is up to you to work through their input with truthfulness and honesty to help you see your path clearer.

For each one of us to move forward we need to learn about ourselves first and then about the people that surround us.

Time to take stock.

Do you have a tribe around you that will love, support, kick your butt, push or pull you when you need it?

If you don’t… ask yourself, why?

If you do…. Ask yourself…. Why?