Nov 11, 2024 | My Blog
In a recent session, we found ourselves discussing what it means to own a problem.
While it’s not a new topic, it often pops up for people around the same time and becomes a bit of a theme.
This particular conversation was about the decision to take ownership of a problem that isn’t truly yours to solve. Just a few days ago, I saw this concept play out in a hardware store of all places.
On a recent camping trip, a fellow camper brought a piece of artificial grass. She used it for everything—from a comfortable lounging spot on the ground to a way to keep her feet clean after a shower. Ingenious, right?
So, off we went to a hardware store to get our own piece of this luxurious yet practical addition to camping gear.
The adventure began immediately. The artificial grass was on a massive 2-meter-wide roll, awkwardly wedged between shelves of arts-and-crafts supplies and other stock. Two employees struggled to wrestle it free without toppling anything, while I kept a safe distance, trying to stay out of the line of fire as they finally heaved it onto the floor.
After scrounging around for tools, they finally came up with a box cutter and a pair of ordinary scissors. I wasn’t paying close attention until I noticed the young man trying to fold the grass just right so he could cut it mid-air without damaging the floor. It didn’t go smoothly, so he switched to the scissors. This worked but only with considerable effort.
At this point, an older employee approached, grumbling at the young man’s choice of scissors. He then sent someone to fetch his pair of scissors. I assumed they’d be a sturdier, industrial pair—after all, the grass was 20 mm thick with a rubber backing.
Soon, they returned… with the exact same scissors the young man had been struggling with.
I watched as the older employee stubbornly attacked the grass roll, hacking away with no less frustration than his younger colleague, while the others looked on with blank, slightly defeated expressions. A few possible solutions ran through my mind, but in that moment, a question popped up:
“Is this my problem to own?”
The answer was clear: it wasn’t. Here were five people in the middle of a hardware store, grappling with the tools and plan they had chosen. And so, I simply turned around and walked away.
Now, you might ask, why didn’t I say something or offer to help ease the frustration around that roll of grass?
You might be surprised to hear that, for me, this small incident was actually a huge victory.
As someone with strong habits of taking ownership, being responsive and having an attitude of getting involved, I’ve found myself in plenty of situations where I’ve taken extreme ownership of a task, only to end up doing the work alone and at a heavy personal cost.
In this moment, though, I saw that despite their frustration, they were making progress.
And by recognising that this wasn’t my problem to own, I found the space to step back, without guilt or frustration.
Yes, it took them longer, and the grass was a bit rough around the edges—but we got what we came for.
So this week, when you face a frustrating situation, ask yourself:
“Is this my problem to own?”
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If the answer is yes, roll up your sleeves and get it done.
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If it’s not, politely remove yourself from the situation, either physically or mentally, and do something else that gives you energy and space to avoid worrying about things that aren’t in your control.
One of my clients recently faced a similar moment when a colleague reacted badly to some feedback she’d given. While we can (and should) take full responsibility of how we deliver feedback, how someone responds isn’t our problem to own.
Of course, this isn’t always simple. It takes practice to discern what part of a problem is actually yours to handle.
Going forward, this simple question—“Is this my problem to own?”—is definitely going into my toolbelt. From now on, it’ll be one of the first questions I ask myself when faced with a challenge.
If you’re interested in exploring how to approach challenges with fresh perspective and identify which problems are yours to own, I’d love to help. Book a free discovery session here
Sep 8, 2024 | My Blog
For four years, I’ve been deeply focussed in personal growth, focusing on my mindset and development.
At the beginning of this year, I decided to shift gears. I chose to step back from working solely on myself and start concentrating on building my business and getting the skills needed for that. For the first time, I invested time, energy, and money into figuring out exactly where I wanted my business and I to go.
Initially, I had plenty of time to think, plan, and process. This was a comfortable phase where I could explore and understand my business better, and I took full advantage of it.
Then, I took on a contract that required me to work on site for 12 days each month. I knew, and accepted, this opportunity with a clear understanding of the potential impact on my business and personal well-being. I was dedicating almost half of each month to someone else’s business, leaving me with the remaining days to serve my clients, develop new business, and, importantly, rest and recover.
What I didn’t expect was that this contract would spark significant learnings and changes for me:
- I discovered I could coach effectively on the go, adapting to different situations as needed.
- I realized I could connect with people from different backgrounds, regardless of language, culture, or education.
- I understood the importance of giving myself time to understand what was going on around me.
- I finally understood that my process is fluid. It is flexible and ever-changing and that, in fact, made my offering unique rather than something I should be worried about.
During this time, I adapted to a fast-paced environment by staying active, eating as healthily as possible, and drinking plenty of water. I made sure to schedule rest and personal time even with a busy pace.
When the contract wrapped up, I felt a bit lost. The rhythm I’d created was gone, and I struggled to get back into my previous routines. I was also concerned about what came next. Even though I knew the contract would take me away from business development, it still affected me more than I expected.
In the following two months, I focused on improving my skills and making my workflow more efficient. This quieter period gave me a clearer understanding of what I wanted and how I was already making it happen. I later learned this is known as unconscious competence, but that’s a topic for another time.
This period of reflection and adjustment led to some exciting developments. I signed a 6 month pilot with a client, took on two new one-on-one clients, and lined up another Team Elevation Program.
Suddenly, I was juggling several new clients at once, which pushed me to refine my workflow to be more effective and engaging.
I realized I needed to manage my time differently. I had to schedule time for processing and rest while adjusting some of my earlier boundaries. I learnt that people didn’t have time to think about Personal development in “work time” and sessions now needed to be scheduled after work hours, with some crisis support happening early mornings, late nights, or weekends.
Once again, I needed to rethink my rhythm to fit the new demands.
Interestingly, I no longer felt as overwhelmed or anxious this time because I’ve navigated similar changes before. I trust that I have the tools to find a better balance, even as adjusting rhythms become my new normal.
Going forward I have some tools in place:
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- Keep checking in with myself, making sure I balance high-energy work with rest.
- Continue to learn, adapt, and make adjustments as needed, knowing that flexibility is important but not giving away my inner peace.
- Be honest with myself about what I want and don’t want, where I can improve, and where I need to say no for my own well-being.
I’m by no means always getting it right. This journey is full of ups and downs—uneven, rocky, uncomfortable, yet brilliant and inspiring.
But it’s my journey, and I’m embracing it fully.
Feeling stuck in your own rhythm? Ready to find your balance and growth path? Let’s explore it together. Book a free Discovery session here.
May 27, 2024 | My Blog
It’s really hard for me to “sell” myself and what I do.
The funny part is that I have no problem talking to others about things I’m passionate about… for others. But when it comes to putting myself out there, it feels like a mountain I just don’t know how to start climbing.
The path seems littered with limiting beliefs, doubts, imposter syndrome, and stories that I tell myself, all of which makes this one of the biggest obstacles for growing my business.
While trying to understand what is really going on, I was chatting with my Dad the other day.
While I was growing up, my Father was an insurance salesman. He told me a story about a new recruit that had to go and see a client one evening.
My father happened to be driving past, and he watched the young recruit pull up in front of the potential client’s house. The house was dark with no visible sign of life.
The young recruit sat in the car staring at the dark house for a while before starting the vehicle and pulling out of the driveway.
My father pulled up next to him and asked him what he was doing. He replied that the house was dark and it didn’t look like anyone was there.
My father told him to go back to the house and knock on the door.
Reluctantly the young recruit got out of the vehicle and knocked on the door….
….the door was opened, and he ended up writing a big policy that earned him a good commission.
The lesson for me has two parts:
First, I can’t decide for others if they are available or not. I have to knock on the door. If they are ready, they will let me and my message in.
Second, I need to have the courage to get out of the car. If I don’t get out of the car, I will never know if someone was, in fact, waiting in the house for me.
I’m not there yet, but this story resonated in a way that will definitely be part of my journey in the future.
In which driveway are you sitting, wondering whether you should be knocking on the door?
Not clear on how to get out of that driveway? We can explore that together. Book your free Discovery session here.
May 3, 2024 | My Blog
In the midst of juggling clients, business, and family, where do YOU fit in?
It’s a question we often overlook as we get swept up in the whirlwind of daily life.
But it’s time to pause and ask: when was the last time you took a moment for yourself?
Think about it. How often do we put ourselves last, sacrificing our own well-being for the sake of work or others? I’ve seen it time and again—people pouring all their energy into their jobs, only to come home exhausted and irritable, snapping at their loved ones without realizing it.
It’s a tough spot to be in, isn’t it? Feeling like you’re constantly running on empty, trying to meet everyone else’s expectations while neglecting your own needs. And yet, so many of us find ourselves trapped in this cycle, unable to break free.
I know you don’t want to hear it but really it doesn’t have to be this way. You have the power to change your circumstances, to prioritize your own mental, emotional, and physical health.
I’ve been there myself, caught up in the hustle and bustle of work, until one day my husband told me he didn’t recognize the person I’d become. It was a wake-up call—a reminder that I needed to take a step back and re-evaluate my priorities.
I know I’m not alone. I’ve heard countless stories from others who have experienced similar struggles—people who have pushed themselves to the brink, only to realize too late the toll it was taking on their well-being and even their health.
But the good news is, it’s never too late to make a change. It starts with taking that first step—whether it’s reaching out for help, setting boundaries, or simply giving yourself permission to take a break.
How, you might ask? Here are some things to think about to help you get started.
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- Set Boundaries: Be honest with yourself about your limits and priorities. Decide what you are willing to accept and what you’re not. Oh and by the way, it’s okay to say no.
- Schedule “Me Time”: Block out time in your calendar for self-care activities, treating this time as non-negotiable. You wouldn’t not show up for a meeting, so don’t chicken out on time for yourself either! Whether it’s going for a walk, reading a book, or practicing mindfulness, prioritize these moments for yourself.
- Reach Out for Support: Ask for help when you need it, no matter how hard it is or what story you’re telling yourself. I’ve heard stories like: “I don’t want to bother that person; It’s too late today; they won’t have time. Don’t let any of these stories convince you to not reach out. Whether it’s talking to a friend, family member, or professional therapist, having someone to lean on can make a significant difference.
- Practice Mindfulness: Take a few moments each day to check in with yourself and tune into your thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness practices like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can help reduce stress and increase self-awareness.
- Prioritise Sleep and Nutrition: Ensure you’re getting enough rest and nourishing your body with healthy foods. Many situations feel a lot different when you’ve had good rest or have eaten a meal. Hangry is a real thing! A well-rested mind and body are better equipped to handle stress and make good decisions.
So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, know that you’re not alone. And know that there is hope. With a little compassion and self-care, you can reclaim control over your life and prioritize your own well-being.
Prioritising yourself, giving yourself space to breathe, and allowing yourself time to level up, isn’t something that you have to remember to add to your to-do list. It’s a critical component of your happiness and living a fulfilling life.
Ready to take the next step but don’t know where to from here? Book a free discovery session here and let’s work together to find what works best for you.
Mar 27, 2024 | My Blog
“My fear of failure along with my fear of missing out keeps my mouth shut and makes me wait and see what happens.” – coaching client
In recent coaching sessions and conversations, a common theme emerges – the struggle against challenges, fuelled by fear and complacency. Many of us find ourselves in situations where we let things slide, whether out of necessity, a desire to help, or a fear of disrupting the status quo.
But what happens when we don’t stand up for ourselves?
Impact and Consequences:
The consequences of staying silent can be profound. Throughout my career, I’ve experienced first-hand the ramifications of remaining silent. There were many occasions where I found myself overwhelmed and undervalued in the workplace. I hesitated to speak up, fearing that I would be perceived as incompetent or disruptive. However, as the pressure mounted and I found myself trapped in a state of mediocre acceptance of my circumstances, I realised that my silence, along with that of my colleagues, only perpetuated the situation. It wasn’t until I gathered the courage to voice my concerns that I began to reclaim control over my life and career. Learning to recognise the signs of impending disaster earlier in the process has been an important skill learnt.
Recognising the Need for Change:
Recognising when change is necessary is crucial. Sometimes, it takes courage to voice our thoughts and opinions, especially in professional settings.
But the alternative – remaining silent – can lead to feelings of guilt, disappointment, and frustration. After a meeting a few years ago, a colleague approached me, thanking me for voicing what others were thinking but couldn’t find it in themselves to say. She would never know that my hands were sweating, my heart pounding and I thought 10 times about what I wanted to say.
Actionable Steps:
So, when do we gather our courage and say, “Enough”?
Here are some actionable steps we can take:
- Self-reflection: Take a moment to reflect on our current situation. Why is it a problem? What needs to change?
- Setting Boundaries: Be honest with ourselves about our boundaries and priorities. What are we willing to accept, and what are we not.
- Communication: Have open, honest conversations with ourselves and our employers. Voice our concerns and negotiate for change. Being proactive and voicing our concerns has often led to positive changes in my work environment and situation.
- Seeking Support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or professional mentors. Sometimes, a fresh perspective can make all the difference. Discussing my concerns with a mentor or coach has helped me gain clarity and confidence in addressing workplace challenges or seeing the bigger picture.
- Taking Action: Remember, we have the power to drive our own car. Take proactive steps to reclaim control over our life and our career. Advocating for the team and myself by taking on new challenges and seeking opportunities for growth has been instrumental in my journey.
If we’re feeling that we are just along for the ride, it’s time to renegotiate our circumstances and reclaim control over our lives.
This doesn’t mean blowing things up; it means taking proactive steps to advocate for ourselves and our well-being.
We owe it to ourselves to stand up for what we want and what we deserve.
Like Pieter de Villiers from Shadowmatch says:
Stop chewing bubble gum. Get off the couch. And do it.
Let’s explore how you can overcome challenges, find your voice, and thrive in your professional life. Schedule a free Discovery session with me here
Feb 9, 2024 | My Blog
“My energy is not enough. I’m under pressure and can’t depend on my team. I get frustrated when I have to explain things over and over again to my team.”
In recent heart-to-heart conversations with bosses, a common thread emerges – a sense of overwhelm, frustration, and the solitary struggle against challenges. Simultaneously, their teams appear hesitant, lacking innovation, tethered by fear, succumbing to complacency, or adrift in ambiguity about expectations. I’ve seen teams wait for the boss to make suggestions even though they’ve got plenty of experience and ideas but they are, for whatever reason, reluctant to put themselves out there.
This misalignment creates a rift, disrupting the vital trust needed for a harmonious workplace. It’s a universal challenge; everyone, regardless of their role, grapples with challenges, expectations, and the quest for genuine happiness.
To untangle this complex weave, when working with a team, I initiate intimate one-on-one sessions. It’s a plunge into the intricate tapestry of emotions, histories, cultural-, professional-, and personal habits, and experiences that often hinder genuine understanding. In the ebb and flow of everyday busyness and emotions, meaningful dialogues are often scarce. These conversations allow us to reach into the individual and very often come back with really great ideas that they just need a bit of courage and support to put into action
Beneath the surface, the real problems are often modest issues that have stacked up over time, transforming into formidable barriers. This cycle, a vortex of challenges and frustrations, persists amidst the daily crises, creating discord in the workplace.
A Weighted Concern:
One pressing concern echoes in the minds of many bosses – the fear of wasted time and effort. Entrusting a task to the team, only to find it incomplete or not meeting the desired standard, can be disheartening. It triggers the sentiment of, “I might as well have done the job myself, doing it right the first time.”
One of the simplest places to start understanding where this systemic failure has it all going wrong is to investigate your company’s Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs). Are they in place? Implemented effectively? Do they provide the clarity your team needs? SOPs are part of a solution that helps manage expectations, give understanding and guidance, and ultimately build confidence in your team, allowing you to trust that they know what they need to do and how they need to do it.
Breaking the Cycle:
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- Bosses need introspection. Do you have the support, skills, and habits needed to deal with the pressure you are feeling?
- Take a good, hard look at your expectations. Are they realistic and communicated effectively? How can you encourage your team to actively contribute their insights and ideas, fostering a culture of collaboration and innovation?
- Does the team possess the necessary skills and experience to meet these expectations? What proactive steps can be taken to enhance their skills and empower them to excel?
- Is the space you are holding for your team conducive to them asking for help and guidance without judgment or retribution? How can you create an environment that not only supports but also encourages individual and collective growth?
- Are SOPs fit for purpose, and is someone actively seeking more efficient alternatives? Recognise that well-implemented SOPs are a cornerstone in avoiding the fear of wasted time and effort, providing the clarity your team needs.
The key lies in breaking free from the loop. It involves boss self-care, recalibrating expectations, empowering and upskilling the team, and ensuring the basics are in place like efficient SOPs. Clear communication and effective implementation are pivotal.
A Starting Point, Not the Destination:
Recognise that there’s no one-size-fits-all remedy. Consider this as a guide—a launching pad on the path to a more harmonious and productive work environment. Each workplace is distinctive, confronting diverse challenges. Personalised strategies and continuous efforts are essential, tailored to the unique dynamics of each workplace.
Most importantly, realise it’s an ongoing process, much like washing dishes. Just when you’ve got everything nice and clean, it’s time for the next meal, and you have to start all over again.
Ready to revolutionise your workplace dynamics? Gain invaluable insights and expert guidance to propel your team towards success. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together—towards a more harmonious and productive work environment. Schedule your free Discovery session today for personalised strategies tailored to your unique challenges.
Book a free Discovery session here.
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