A few weeks ago, I watched an interview where they were talking about internet privacy.
The expert said something that stopped me mid-thought:
“People think about internet privacy as a switch. It’s not. It’s a dial. You get to choose how much or how little you expose.”
It hit me right between the eyes.
Because the more I sat with it, the more I realised this wasn’t just true about internet privacy. It’s true about so many areas of our lives.
We often treat things like switches. All or nothing. On or off. Fully in or completely out. But life rarely works that way. Most of the time, it’s not a switch at all… it’s a dial.
And a dial means choice. It means nuance. It means I get to decide how much intensity, energy, time, or emotional exposure I allow.
I did a lot of volunteer work. It’s not life-and-death work like saving people or wildlife, but it is work meant to help people build better lives. Work with good intentions. Work that matters.
Over time, though, I let it take over completely.
It cost me my mental health.
It cost me my physical health.
And if I’m really honest, it cost me a business.
Not because the work itself was wrong, but because I didn’t understand the cost of not seeing clearly. I hadn’t created boundaries. I was looking for validation and affirmation from people who had different agendas and their own things going on. And I kept telling myself it was for the greater good.
Until it wasn’t.
Once I could see what was really happening what, in fact, I was allowing to happen, I started disengaging. Emotionally at first. Then practically. I worked hard at sticking to my no’s and at reshaping my boundaries. I had to shift my mindset and my expectations of myself.
That wasn’t easy.
Walking away didn’t feel like me. But staying half-in, half-out this not fully committed, yet constantly drained, that wasn’t good for me either. That limbo space was doing real damage.
As I struggled with this, I started paying closer attention to the people around me. And what I noticed was that I wasn’t alone. So many of us are wrestling with balance.
Balancing personal and professional lives.
Balancing unpaid work with the work that actually pays the bills.
Balancing conscience to what seems to be the right thing with family time.
Balancing personal growth and awareness in a world that just keeps asking for more.
So I started asking myself a different set of questions.
If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?
And if I say no to this, what am I saying yes to?
Looking back now, I can see that I wasn’t just pulling away, I was testing boundaries. I was creating principles. I was slowly figuring out my own rules of engagement. I was learning what level of intensity was healthy, what needed adjusting, and what I needed to step away from completely.
I was learning how to use the dial.
I don’t always get it right. I’m still learning what works and what doesn’t. Life keeps putting me into new, interesting, and sometimes challenging situations. That’s part of the deal.
But now I can see the guardrails more clearly. And I know they’re there to protect me, not to limit me.
So I try.
I mess up.
I learn.
I adjust.
And through all of it, I remind myself that I’m in charge of my own dial of how much I give, where I show up fully, and where I consciously pull back.
It’s still a work in progress. But this small shift, from switch to dial, has made it easier to breathe. The work now is simply to keep adjusting. Gently, intentionally, and in ways that are simple enough to repeat when life inevitably throws the next curveball.
I’d like to invite you to sit with this.
To explore what in your life is a dial.
And to be honest about whether there is something that is actually a switch. In truth, some things do need a clear boundary.
Be aware.
Take your time.
Test what works better for you.
It’s a journey.
And you are in charge of the dial.
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